Sunday, March 6, 2011

As Months Go By

Seriously, I haven't been around since, what, October? That is far too ridiculous! However if you know what Tumblr is you would understand my absence.
Want some very quick catching up? Okay!

  • Dyed my hair black
  • Started my weight-loss!
  • Went to my first big concert
  • Caught up with the 10 or so TV shows Im addicted to
There's more in between but that's basically my life.
I have now lost a grand total of 38lbs! I have 37lbs to go, but it seems so do-able now!
Jared Leto is just as beautiful in person as he is on screen and in photos. My hair has grown considerably, considering I didn't want to let it grow out, you may be surprised, but I had a change of heart, Im growing it out :)
Shows? Yeah! Pretty Little Liars, House M.D., Smallville, Bones, Hellcats, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries, Misfits(UK), Skins(UK), Modern Family, Glee and I think that's it.
If you dont watch any of these, or you're not caught up? Spoiler alert!

Pretty Little Liars is incredible! Honestly anyone who wants to is welcome to talk shit, but I'd like them to give one reason that just doesnt have to do with personal taste. Nothing about this show is bad quality. The scripts are amazing, the directing is good, the acting is great, and the idea behind the show? Phenomenal! I love it! Its not an obnoxious mystery, its a soothing mystery, you aren't driven to madness with curiousity because it keeps your interest but doesn't give you just enough then pull you away from the truth at the last second. So far? Aria is dating her new high school English teacher, Emily has 'discovered' her sexuality, Spencer is trying not to fall into a pattern of falling for her sister's boyfriends, and Hanna is still trying to hide from her past as, "Hefty Hanna". Current episodes have given so much! Aria and Ezra are two peas in a pod, Emily is becoming more and more confident and refuses to let herself be ashamed anymore, Spencer and Toby are dancing around their new feelings for each other, and finally, Hanna, Hanna and Caleb, the witty, stray, sketchy, new boy at school, have hooked-up, told their secrets and are happy-in-like. With all the twists and turns the show's been throwing lately it was a wonderful hour spent watching four girls I've grown to love get a little happiness.

House, House may never change, House is constant. I like it that way.

Smallville! Okay! Wow! This season has given the show new life! Season 9 killed me, and I was bored through most of it, the 10th and final season however has been nothing short of thrilling. I have basked in Lois & Clark's love, as well as having enjoyed the banter between long-time cohorts and hidden jewels from the land of Comic books. I must say, I feel the writers have finally stepped up to the plate, throwing away the last bits of Lana Lang and bringing Lois Lane in full-force, and ready to go. The transition took a long time, but I feel secure in them now. Chloe and Oliver have thrown me for a very happy loop with a surprising but lovely little ending of the last episode where they found themselves married after a Bachelor and Bachelorette party-gone-wrong. Nothing to complain about there!

Bones: Pure, unadulterated ANGER at this show. It's my favorite TV show so to have to say I hate it right now kills me but its true! The writer's are insane. That's all I can do right now, I cant say more or else Ill just explode!

Hellcats is a show I am only slightly emotionally invested in, and that emotion is mostly due to my lingering love for Disney TV shows I loved, each in their own way, Phil of the Future, and Suite Life of Zack and Cody. My interest deepened after I fell in love with Dan, and the actor who plays him. This show is simple, sweet, and cliche but I like it. Marti and Dan are best friends, and Savannah is the cheerleading captain/Jesus Freak that falls for Dan. Friends, friends, friends, yay! Dan and Marti have a past of course, but no one told Savannah and when that past comes rushing back after a few drinks and being stuck in a car together for a few hours? Well, they neglect to tell Savannah that as well. Dan jets off after admitting his feelings to Marti and having her reject him. Now, he's back, and everything toppled out of control. He's back with S and Marti is all alone. Damn it!!

Gossip Girl is a guilty pleasure that I cant get enough of!!! After years of waiting the day has finally come! Dan and Blair! Its here at last! "Just one kiss." Now though? Now I have to wait until April to see what happens? What kind of sick torture is this?! Basically though? Its going to be amazing!!!!

The Vampire Diaries. Ian Somerhalder. Paul Wesley. Nuff said. Look at those gorgeous men, and tell me you dont want to watch that show right at this moment! Vampire fluff at its best, love the show, can't live without it! Elena and Damon need to hook up right now, that's all Im saying! Damon is amazing, and Stefan cant handle Elena's crazy.

Misfits is one of those shows a person has to describe very carefully. Here in America if someone told you there was a show about five young offenders doing community service that attain superpowers after a lightning storm, you might get laughed at, but this show is incredible!! Simon went from invisible to literally turning invisible! Alisha went from getting all the guys to want her to getting every guy who touches her to want her! Curtis went from someone who only ever needed to look toward the future to find what he wanted to being someone who could only get want he wanted by looking in the past, figuratively, then literally. Kelly went from being worried about what people thought of her to hearing every thought anyone near her has of her. Finally, Nathan, obnoxious, self-absorbed, asshole who can't shut up, well, his power doesnt come up for a while, surprisingly enough! Ha! So much quality!!!

Skins(UK). The fact that America is even trying to pull off this level of amazing makes me bow my head in shame. Skins follows a group of friends for two years, before seamlessly letting them go and following a new group. Generation 1 consists of Tony, Michelle, Sid, Anwar, Maxxie, Chris, Jal, Cassie, and Effy, as they fall in love, get in trouble, screw shit up, and find themselves, cheesy as it sounds. Gen. 2 leaves behind all but one. Effy is put in the spotlight, no longer Tony's little sister. She, along with Cook, Freddie, J.J., Emily, Katie, Naomi, Pandora, and Thomas, finds herself lost in a world of parties, drugs, betrayal and a ton of well-worded banter. Now, we are joined by Frankie, Minni, Grace, Rich, Liv, Alo, Nick and Mattie who dont seem to truly be friends yet, but I have hope we'll see some wonderful things soon.

Modern Family is a show that is so well-woven and cute I have to watch, but other than when Im on the subject of the show I dont find myself thinking of too much. A family of 5 who seem like the classic suburban house-hold, a gay couple and their adopted daughter, and finally an older man with his young wife, and her son, however, they are all part of the same family connected by a daughter and sister, son and brother, and finally their father.

Glee cliche, fun, adorable and shallow, but I watch it for the budding star that is Chris Colfer, Darren Chris, and the incredible Jane Lynch.

WOW! That was long!

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Intense Memory Loss!

I totally just realized I didn't tell you I chopped off my hair into an Emma-Watson-like gamine hair cut!
So far, this is my favorite haircut yet, I can wear it down, spiky, parted, its great! I love lovelovelove it! Also, the purple is getting kinda old and my roots are starting to show, so I need to do some 'dye maintenance', but other than that, check out the new do ;D



Ta-da!!!
What do you think? Pretty hip, right?
XD
Well, not only that(obvi) in these pictures I did some photoshop work.

The top one, I only unsaturated, burned eye lashes and brows, and covered up some acne(plus adding text of course)

The bottom one, I used an image from Google, placed it, after using the background eraser, then I lightened, darkened, deepened, etc.

All in all I love both effects, the top being my favorite no make up picture of me to date.

There we go :3

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Audition!

I am pleased and excited to say:
I will be auditioning for a talent agency on Saturday the 18th, in Beverley Hills California!
Finally, after months of telling myself I wanted to pursue this, I am actually doing it!
Wish me luck on my venture into the movies and onto the runway [:

So, maybe I don't get picked up, maybe I fall flat on my face. So what?! At least I will have had given it a try! Right? Well, I'm really excited and I have a positive attitude about the entire thing.

Truthfully, I would love to talk to my high school drama teacher before I go, but I'm nervous about what he may say. My positive attitude is something I want to maintain, and having him give his input may not be the best way to make sure that happens. He's good at being honest, not always about being gentle. I respect that, and because of that I am really conflicted about going to see him. I might give him a call on Saturday before the audition, or after.

We'll see.

On another note! I'm trying very hard to get out of my box, I want to start dating, I don't know HOW, but I want to. I think, knowing me, I need a guidebook, that sounds awful and anti-social, but that's how I handle situations.
What do you think? Ha! A bit much? Well maybe, something a bit more subtle is the way to go:


Regardless, I am ready to get out there and start..I don't know...Hob-nobbing? Mingling?

Toodle-loo for now, I'm off to get some shut eye before the A.M. and a day of school. (Thought these are two classes I pretty much enjoy)

Monday, September 13, 2010

Those Dumb List Things on Facebook:

15 Albums:

Just a warning; I have the most RANDOM taste in music.

1. The Yellow Submarine -The Beatles
2. So What -P!nk
3. The Wall -Pink Floyd
4. Minutes to Midnight -Linkin Park
5. The Con -Tegan and Sara
6. 5 Score and 7 Years Ago -Relient K
7. The White Album -The Beatles
8. Taylor Swift -Taylor Swift
9. The Dark Side of the Moon -Pink Floyd
10. Up -Shania Twain
11. Violent Femmes -Violent Femmes
12. Mmhmm -Relient K
13. Fearless -Taylor Swift
14. Happiness -The Weepies
15. Why Should The Fire Die? -Nickel Creek


10 to 1 different requests:



10 things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (do not name them):   

I miss you so much I can't breathe.
My life wouldn't have been the same if you weren't in it.
I want to kill you, but I refuse to hurt him.
It's sad how badly I want you to care about me, but I can't force you to.
When you said those things to be, they stuck with me, and they haunt me everyday.
See me as I am, and accept me!
I do love you, I just don't know what to do anymore.
Everyday it hurts differently, but if I could take the pain away I wouldn't.
Instead of always poking at my flaws, focus on yours!
I stopped loving you the moment you told her it was all a lie, in front of me. 

9 things about yourself:  

 I am extremely tall.
Writing is not the only thing I'm passionate about.
I have a folder on my computer that contains over one hundred and ten pieces of my writing.
I have a slight fear of birds.I have one friend who somehow talks me through all of my darkest times.
I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Emily(my cow) has been with me for 12 years and has never betrayed my trust.
Similar to 'innnocent until proven guilty' I tend to trust until that trust is broken.
I can't play most sports both because I have bad knees and because I feel bad when I bump into people.  

8 ways to win your heart:  

 TALL!!!
Intelligence
Humor
Thoughtful
A good listener
Words of kindness, often :3
Be HONEST.
Have a love for reading   

7 things you think about a lot:   

The way people view me
Will I end up with children(even though I don't want kids)
I wonder if I will leave my mark
How can I sustain the friendships I have intact.
Can I do all the things I have planned for myself
Am I ever going to be thin
Will the next thing I do(right or wrong) change everything   

6 things you do before you go to sleep:   

Brush my teeth
Drink a glass of water
Throw on a nightshirt
Read/put on a movie
Say goodnight to my mom
Hold onto Emily(cow) for dear life and go to sleep  

5 things you're afraid of:  

Lakes
Needles
HEIGHTS
Never finding Johnny
Death

 4 things you are wearing right now:  

Tank top
Underwear
Jeans
Make up   

3 songs you have listened to most in the last week:   

Helena
Doubting Thomas
The Con    

2 things you want to do before you die:

Write a book
Visit Europe   

1 confession:

If I have confided in you that means nothing less than that I have given you a piece of my heart. If I have told you my deep secrets, I have done nothing less than give you all of my trust. If you break that trust, you will break my heart, and you will never have that trust ever again.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

life

This depression is hitting me hard. I can't shake it, I'm tryin', so hard, but I can't.
I'm just feeling like nothing is worth doing, nothing is worth trying for- I'm gonna fail anyway.
Honestly, I've tried being candid with people, telling them what's up...Maybe I'm telling the wrong people.

Or maybe they just expect me to walk around like them, keeping everything bottled up tight.
Even when my world is standing still and I'm confused, wondering what to do, they expect me to be alright.
I'm not alright just because I have clothes on my back, my mind is racing, and my heart is going nuts.

I can't sit still, or sleep, I want to be pretty, and thin, and wanted.
Someone...I just want someone to want me. How do I make someone want me? Hm?

Come on! There has to be SOMETHING I'm just doing...wrong! Why doesn't someone want me?
Why am I avoided, and left behind.
I want a someone.

I'm so fucking(sorry) alone.

I want a life, a love, a passion, a drive.

Maybe, yeah, maybe I have a passion. I write.
What for though? Hm? What am I writing for?! There has to be an end result I'm searching for!!
I mean, we all DIE anyway!

Then what?! Nothing?!

We get 60+- years of life for NOTHING?!

What the hell am I here for!? Hm? My writing doesn't mean shit!

I don't mean shit.

How much is too much to ask for? I mean, I just want to be thin, and pretty.
Sure, I'm smart, but no one wants smart, without pretty.

I promise.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Becoming Thin

It's much more of a challenge than I lead myself to believe.
I truly thought I'd be able to shed pounds with no problem.
Obviously, I'm realizing it takes a lot of effort and dedication!
Everyday I have to tell myself I am doing it for myself, and all the right reasons.
Working out as often as I can, and eating better, I could eat even BETTER, but I'm not there yet.
I absolutely love my new haircut, which is making me feel like an entirely different person.
My outlook has improved slightly and I don't feel so totally atrocious. I am truly liking looking in the mirror.
Seeing my newly-cropped hair with purple on the sides gleaming at me gives me hope, hope that maybe I'm not a lost cause, maybe there is hope for me after all.

When I get on the scale I feel defeated, I feel like I'm working toward a goal I will never see.
The numbers are steadily the same, I'm just glad, for the time being, that those numbers are staying UNDER 230.
When I met Shadae today, and she said she weighed 150 I understood that I could be that.
I could do thin, skinny, and hot!
I deserve that! So starting tonight, I am going to begin the true test:

Believing in myself enough to actually accomplish my goals!
Yeah!

-Kellie

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Reading list:

Anything, and everything by Sonya Sones:
What my Girlfriend Doesn't Know

Stop Pretending

One of Those Hideous Books Where the Mother Dies

What My Mother Doesnt Know

The Pretty Little Liars Series- Particularly if you like shows like Gossip Girl, or books about girls from cookie cut suburbs with dark exciting secrets :]
The author for that series is Sara Shepard
(Yes, there is also a T.V. show, and yes its the same thing, but the books make a bit more sense, age wise and stuff...)



Moving on-
My top eight(I haven't read them in some time, but they are still my favorites; obviously one will sound familiar since I've written about it, but...anyway)

In no particular order:
Pride and Prejudice- Jane Austen
I honestly believe every high school girl should be required to read this book, it truly is a classic, and one of the best of its time. I adore Elizabeth Bennet and of course Mr. Darcy. Its a difficult read, but totally worth it.

Perks of Being a Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky
I love, love, love this book, another one of those books every teenager should read. I mean every. This is such a masterpiece, Chbosky catches the perfect essence of the teenage spirit; the real one, not the one you watch in chick flicks(though I love those to pieces as well)

Stargirl- Jerry Spinelli
I beautiful little novel about being true to yourself. Told through a boy's point of view. Stargirl is a magnificent human being with all the glory of the angels. A very short read that I think kids and adults alike should take the time to read.

13 Reasons Why- Jay Asher
I cannot say it enough: Read this book. On a previous page I have written a summary and a book review for this stunning piece of literature. Go read it, and the book[:

Just Listen- Sarah Dessen
Sarah Dessen is a big hero of mine. All of her books are superb. I adore this one because of Annabel. She is such a wonderful character, so full of confusion and worry. Owen is also a big love of mine, he is the guy I want myself :D You'll fall in love with these characters; "Don't think of judge. Just listen."

The Princess Diaries(series)- Meg Cabot
Honestly, and sadly, if you aren't about fifteen and full of self-esteem issues and a total lack of confidence wanting to find someone that feel the way you do, this book series may not be right for you. Mia is amazing. This is a very big series that any teenage girl(for the most part) will enjoy the hell out of, Meg Cabot, I love you!

Water for Elephants- Sara Gruen
DONT READ IT JUST CAUSE ITS BEING MADE INTO A MOVIE!! Such a good book, really, a very very very good book! Its set in the depression era, full of wonderful characters. Sara Gruen is flawless!

The Awakening- Kate Chopin
This old time French book changed my life. I loved every moment of this excruciatingly hard read. A woman who doesn't fit anywhere, but when she finds her place her time has already passed her by. I encourage anyone who is ready to have both a little pocket dictionary and a French-to-English translation book next to them throughout the read, to read this book. 

Hope you take up some of my suggestions! Enjoy!