life

This depression is hitting me hard. I can't shake it, I'm tryin', so hard, but I can't.
I'm just feeling like nothing is worth doing, nothing is worth trying for- I'm gonna fail anyway.
Honestly, I've tried being candid with people, telling them what's up...Maybe I'm telling the wrong people.

Or maybe they just expect me to walk around like them, keeping everything bottled up tight.
Even when my world is standing still and I'm confused, wondering what to do, they expect me to be alright.
I'm not alright just because I have clothes on my back, my mind is racing, and my heart is going nuts.

I can't sit still, or sleep, I want to be pretty, and thin, and wanted.
Someone...I just want someone to want me. How do I make someone want me? Hm?

Come on! There has to be SOMETHING I'm just doing...wrong! Why doesn't someone want me?
Why am I avoided, and left behind.
I want a someone.

I'm so fucking(sorry) alone.

I want a life, a love, a passion, a drive.

Maybe, yeah, maybe I have a passion. I write.
What for though? Hm? What am I writing for?! There has to be an end result I'm searching for!!
I mean, we all DIE anyway!

Then what?! Nothing?!

We get 60+- years of life for NOTHING?!

What the hell am I here for!? Hm? My writing doesn't mean shit!

I don't mean shit.

How much is too much to ask for? I mean, I just want to be thin, and pretty.
Sure, I'm smart, but no one wants smart, without pretty.

I promise.