The Lofty Gemini

Sometimes I stare in the mirror at myself.
                                   I wear nothing but small shorts and a tank top.

I look at all my imperfections, all my flaws.

                                                                                                       I point them out in my mind and I can't think about anything else.

   I memorize what my movements are when I speak and when I move.
During these times I feel like crying;
                                                         no wonder I'm single.
                                                                                                            Im hideous.
Then, just when Im about to break down and go back into my cave of
                                                          depression
                    I look at myself straight on.


               I
                notice
                 the
                  pinch
                   of
                   my
                 small
               waist
              and,      
             the
            soft
           curves
            of
             my
              wide
                hips.

I consider the light blue reflecting lights in my eyes.
I realize how straight my teeth are when I smile wide.


            And soon all my flaws seem far away

I
    take
             those
                        moments,
       I
swallow
    them
      like
    beams
       of
    warm
     light.

My hair,
falling in my face,
my face,
unmade up
and completely clean

                                                                                                 I run my fingers through my short locks.
                                    I run my hands down my:
shoulders,
                  ribs,
                          waist,
                                     hips
                                                  and then I stop.


I tilt my head to the side
                                       and consider what people may think of me,
                                    
                                                                 seeing me walk.

    Maybe
       I
         should
            walk taller,
                 smile wider.

My lips are shapely and pink, my cheeks are high set and pretty and
                                        
                                                  my eyes.

Yes, my eyes are the defining feature of my entire body, they are blue, gray, green and yellow.

I revel in the momentary feeling of utter beauty before that wonderful feeling gets covered again as I      put on a T-shirt, and change into a pair of jeans.
   I pin my bangs up and apply my mask.

I slouch as I stare at this reflection, she is an insecure girl full of feelings of worthlessness and unattractiveness.
               Sure, perhaps someday, someone, somewhere may want me, but even that's not the point.


My curves are shunned in magazines, my legs and full face are as well.


My choice of clothing is loud and obnoxious according to fashionistas.


I am just a face in the crowd, that point to the ground in an ashamed manner.


The skyscraper stands proud and tall, looked upon with beauty; I am not a skyscraper.


I am just a lofty Gemini, ful of doubt and worry and pain. A two sided coin, a two face, a sad happy child.